Bob is puzzled and confused

-Bob is sitting quietly deeply in thought-
Lex: hey Bob, what are you thinking about you look like a plane crashed on your mothers face.
Bob: well i cant figure this out, why does my sister have 2 brothers and i only have one? i have been trying to figure this out since last night.
Lex: OهO -sigh- im sorry i asked -.-

Toys"R"Us

Bob: hey lex should I get the red one or the black one?

Lex: the black one

Bob: no I like red ill take the red one.

Lex: why did you even ask? -.-

-at the cashier-

-Bob pulls out monopoly money-

Bob: here you go $24.99

Cashier: this is not real money

Bob: its not like your selling me a real car

Lex: oh my god, im really sorry -grabbing bobs hand and leaving the store-

Bob: but but..the car?

Lex: leave the car were going home

stop asking!

Bob: hey Lex you got a pen?
Lex: no
-after a while-
Bob: Lex.
Lex: yes?
Bob: you got a pen?
Lex: no, i told you i don't have a pen.
-after a while-
Bob: Lex, do you have a pen?
Lex: no i don't, if you ask again im gona tie you up and hang you on the door.
Bob: >.>
-after a while-
Bob: Lex, you have a rope?
Lex: no i don't have a rope, what the hell do you want with a rope?
Bob: oh ok, do you have a pen then?
Lex: gaaah! NO!

Multitasking

Bob: hey lex, what you doing?
Lex: texting and listening to music and talking to you.
Bob: wow multitasking
Lex: ummm yah i guess, im good at it :p
Bob: im not
Lex: i was bad at it till i started texting.
Bob: really? what are you texting, tell me so i can text the same and be good at it 8D
Lex: whaa? :o
Bob: i said i want to be good like you so i have to text exactly what you text... TELL MEE!
Lex: NOO -runs away with his phone-

Bob its the police!

-knock knock-
Bob: whos there?
Officer: the police
Bob: the police who?
Officer: you must be kidding me... the police who will knock the door down if you dont open it.
Bob: haha good one, but i cant open for strangers.
Officer: open the door and stop playing games.
Bob: no,Lex told me not to open for strangers.
Officer: we are not strangers we are the police.
Bob: exactly what Lex told me.
Officer: what did Lex tell you Bob?
Bob: he told me that a bunch of idiots will come knocking your door calling them selves police and he told me never to open for them because they are a bunch of liars trying to steal my shoes.
-officer knocks the door down- Bob your coming with us -.-

Putting up a Tent

-Lex & Bob go out camping, they try to put up a tent-
Lex: Bob is there a manual for this thing?
Bob: what thing?
Lex: the tent.
Bob: why?
Lex: we need to put it up to sleep tonight! what stupid question is that?!
Bob: oh -puts hand in pants and plays with self a bit- there i put up a tent 
Lex: you did? where?
Bob: -points at his boner- right here -laughs-
Lex: -sighs- I'm the idiot for camping with your stupid ass.

a Doat

Bob: i want a doat!
Lex: a what? o.o
Bob: a doat!
Lex: a what? p.p
Bob: i said i want a doat!
Lex: i heard what you said, what the hell is a doat?
Bob: its a cat dog >.>
Lex: -.-'  your a brat
Bob: oooh i know what that is... its a bird rat! like a bat!
Lex: shut up!

Dusting the Table

-Bob rushes in lexs place running to the table at the living room and stands there looking at it- O.O

Bob as he catches his breath: lex, where is the dust that was on the table?

Lex: i just cleaned the table why the hell are you asking about the dust? -.-

Bob: i got a phone call yesterday and i had to write down a very important number i wrote it on the table with my finger.

Lex: -sigh- your truly an idiot....

Making Gold

Lex told me if i can pass enough electricity in shit i could make it turn into gold.
so i pulled 2 wires and stuck them into my shit and turned on the switch only to find out that if you do that shit will fly all over the place and i got covered with it.

oh well... at least i made shit fly.

Bob.

Bank Robbery

-the cops rush in the bank and find Bob sitting there alone-
officer: did you rob the bank?
Bob: yes me and Lex we did it together
Officer: and where is Lex?
Bob: he ran away with the money
Officer: why didn't you run away with him?
Bob: he told me hell take all the money and i can keep the whole bank for myself

3am phone call

It was a dark cold night,,, ok it was hot really. Lex was sleeping in his apartment and all of a sudden his phone rings and wakes him up...

*Ring Ring*

 -Lex wakes up rubbing his eyes-

Lex: who is calling at this time... its fucken 3am in the morning.. -picks up the phone- hello

Bob: hey lex its me bob.

Lex: oh afcorse who else would it be, why are you calling at this late time -.-

Bob: i need help

Lex: help?

Bob: yah, my dick is being a dick and giving me a hard time.

Lex: oh boy, -lex says jokingly- well tell your dick to be a man. 

Bob -screaming from the top of his lungs-: BE A MAN YOU DICKHEAD!

Lex:oh boy. -hangs up the phone- what an idiot -.-

Dont Hit The Kangaroo

 -driving at a blistering speed Bob glances a kangaroo from a distance- 

Bob: Lex, there's a kangaroo crossing the road.

Lex: i see it Bob.

-the car gets closer to the kangaroo without slowing down-

Bob: Lex, theres a kangarooo! 

Lex: O.O I KNOW! I SEE IT!

-they hit it and the car is smashed and they get out of the car looking at each other-

Lex: why the hell didnt you slow down when you saw the kangaroo? YOU DUMB ASS!

Bob: oh?? i thought you were driving! o.o

Heart Surgery

Girl: im having heart surgery tomorrow

Boy: i know

Girl: i love you <3 :(

Boy: i love you too <3 :(

---------- next day after the surgery -----------

-girl wakes up with only her father next to her-

Girl: where is he?

Father: you dont know who gave you the heart? :(

-girl starts to cry-

Father: im just kidding he went to the toilet :p lol

Humpy Dumpy

Humpy Dumpy sat on a wall,

Humpy Dumpy humped the great wall
Humpy Dumpy had a great fall.

Humpy Dumpy is a clumsy dumb ball.

Who in the world would care for a freaky ball?
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Didn’t care to put Humpy together again.



Moking the Twinkle Star

    Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
    How I wonder what you are.
- now really you just called it a star then your wondering what it is? its a friking star -.-

    Up above the world so high,
    Like a diamond in the sky.
- I wanna get technical with this, technically its not up cuz when you think of earth its just orbiting the sun and its a big ball so where is up and where is down? not to mention that stars are all around space so they could be in any direction. BEAT THAT! lol

    When the blazing sun is gone,
    When the nothing shines upon,
    Then you show your little light,
    Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.
- ok the sun never goes anywhere we just spin round and round so we cant see it but it didnt move its ass its just in the other side of the world shining on someone more important than you. or maybe less important than you but either way its not gone.

    Then the traveller in the dark,
    Thanks you for your tiny spark,
    He could not see which way to go,
    If you did not twinkle so.
- hes dumb for traveling in the dark he should be in bed. and whats a stars twinkle to show in the dark? the thanks all goes to the moon really. XD

    In the dark blue sky you keep,
    And often through my curtains peep,
    For you never shut your eye,
    Till the sun is in the sky.
- so basically your saying stars stay up all night and sleep all day. according to this im a start too, and almost every teenager on the planet, yet the parents dont let them be stars “GO TO BED STAR” lol

    As your bright and tiny spark,
    Lights the traveller in the dark.
    Though I know not what you are,
    Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
- you still dont know what it is? your an …. ok i told you its a star and you have been calling it twinkling star ever since you started talking, how stupid could you be? ok fine its a big ball of burning gasses in space ready to explode at any moment and burn you dead! happy now?

AND WHY IS THIS STAR STILL TWINKLING?! x,X

Convinced yet?

Devil: oh look a fat girl. Go tell her she is fat and ugly. That would be so funny, I mean you and your friends could use a laugh.

Guy: lol yah that would be funny and cool. :p

Angel: no don’t, that’s not nice. How would you feel if someone told you your ugly? You wouldn’t like it, would you now? And there is nothing funny about it.

Guy: yah true true. Besides she’s not that ugly she’s just a bit fluffy.

Devil: come on Angel don’t ruin the moment. So what if your not nice every once in a while? What’s the worst that could happen? she will hate you for a while than she will forget. Even if she doesn’t forget, why would that matter?

Angel: no but that’s mean and mean people go to hell. You have to be nice and caring for other people.

Devil: what hell? There is no such thing as hell. Who said there is heaven and hell anyways?

Angel: god did, and he promised heaven for the good people and hell for the bad people.

Devil: ppfffftttt there is no god, your just making that shit up.

Guy: shut the fuck up both of you! -.- you guys are always arguing… that’s it with you two, get out of  here and discus this outside… and don’t come back till you solve this.

Devil: oh daaamin you got him angry Angel.

Angel: me?? You’re the one who started this.

Guy: GET OUT!

-They go out for a while… then they come back!-

Guy: so devil what is it? You guys are back is it solved?

Devil: yes, I have been making you sin all my life, I’m going to hell… I’m sorry I dragged you into my shit. I’m gonna pray that god forgives me.

Guy: oh really? So Angel you convinced him?

Angel: yes and he convinced me too, there is no such crap as heaven or hell or god. Just do what the fuck you want. Kick that fat bitch in the ass and laugh about it.

Devil: oh no angel no, that’s not nice.

Guy: WHAT! You guys are insane. How the fuck do you convince each other like that?

The itchy bitchy spider

The itchy-bitchy spider

Climbed up the water spout

Down came the pain

And kicked the spider out

Out came the gun

And dropped the spider dead

And the itchy-bitchy spider

Went straight to hell