Fly Breath

I wanted to take a deep breath, you know one of those meditation, relaxation breathes where you breath slowly from your mouth and nose, only I was not sure if I should inhale from my moth and exhale from my nose or the other way around. I only realized it was the other way around after I inhaled a fly. ~ Lex Luxa.

Bob is holding it in.

Lex: Hey Bob what are you up to?

Bob: Nothing just sitting here holding my shit, because I don't want to go to the toilet. 

Lex: What? Why not?

Bob: I don't feel like it. 

Lex: okaaay!! p.p

Bob: Oh what the hell, I give up. Shit wins I am going to the toilet.
-Bob leaves to the toilet-

Lex answers, Why are farts funny?

Lex: I came up with an Idea.
It goes like this, I will get in the elevator with my boss and a bunch of people and wait till my boss clicks on the 10th floor, then I will click on the 5th floor and when the door opens for me to leave I will release a silent fart in the elevator and leave my boss to rot till the 10th floor.

Bob: haha why are farts funny?

Lex: I think that might have to do with the fact that they are generated by clapping the asshole without using the muscles and simply depending on the high air pressure released from the ass hole.

Bob Believes he can Fly

Bob: I believe I can fly
Lex: You do?
Bob: Yes! The other day I attempted to fly, I stood up on the stairs and farted as hard as I can and jumped, but the small momentum of the fart did not give me enough push to carry my heavy body. 
Lex: -face palm-
Bob: So I believe if I can get enough momentum I can definitely fly. 

Ancient artifacts

Bob: -brakes an ancient artifact in the museum-
Museum manager: -comes running to him and yelling- "you broke a very important artifact from160 BC,,, what have you done?!"
Bob: oh thank god, you made me worry, i thought it was new!
Lex: -dies- x.x 

Surpries!

Lex: hey bob congrats you got a new brother.

Bob: oh really? don't tell mom lets keep it a surprise for her 8D
Lex: what? -.- you idiot.

Bob is puzzled and confused

-Bob is sitting quietly deeply in thought-
Lex: hey Bob, what are you thinking about you look like a plane crashed on your mothers face.
Bob: well i cant figure this out, why does my sister have 2 brothers and i only have one? i have been trying to figure this out since last night.
Lex: OهO -sigh- im sorry i asked -.-

Toys"R"Us

Bob: hey lex should I get the red one or the black one?

Lex: the black one

Bob: no I like red ill take the red one.

Lex: why did you even ask? -.-

-at the cashier-

-Bob pulls out monopoly money-

Bob: here you go $24.99

Cashier: this is not real money

Bob: its not like your selling me a real car

Lex: oh my god, im really sorry -grabbing bobs hand and leaving the store-

Bob: but but..the car?

Lex: leave the car were going home

stop asking!

Bob: hey Lex you got a pen?
Lex: no
-after a while-
Bob: Lex.
Lex: yes?
Bob: you got a pen?
Lex: no, i told you i don't have a pen.
-after a while-
Bob: Lex, do you have a pen?
Lex: no i don't, if you ask again im gona tie you up and hang you on the door.
Bob: >.>
-after a while-
Bob: Lex, you have a rope?
Lex: no i don't have a rope, what the hell do you want with a rope?
Bob: oh ok, do you have a pen then?
Lex: gaaah! NO!

Multitasking

Bob: hey lex, what you doing?
Lex: texting and listening to music and talking to you.
Bob: wow multitasking
Lex: ummm yah i guess, im good at it :p
Bob: im not
Lex: i was bad at it till i started texting.
Bob: really? what are you texting, tell me so i can text the same and be good at it 8D
Lex: whaa? :o
Bob: i said i want to be good like you so i have to text exactly what you text... TELL MEE!
Lex: NOO -runs away with his phone-

Bob its the police!

-knock knock-
Bob: whos there?
Officer: the police
Bob: the police who?
Officer: you must be kidding me... the police who will knock the door down if you dont open it.
Bob: haha good one, but i cant open for strangers.
Officer: open the door and stop playing games.
Bob: no,Lex told me not to open for strangers.
Officer: we are not strangers we are the police.
Bob: exactly what Lex told me.
Officer: what did Lex tell you Bob?
Bob: he told me that a bunch of idiots will come knocking your door calling them selves police and he told me never to open for them because they are a bunch of liars trying to steal my shoes.
-officer knocks the door down- Bob your coming with us -.-

Putting up a Tent

-Lex & Bob go out camping, they try to put up a tent-
Lex: Bob is there a manual for this thing?
Bob: what thing?
Lex: the tent.
Bob: why?
Lex: we need to put it up to sleep tonight! what stupid question is that?!
Bob: oh -puts hand in pants and plays with self a bit- there i put up a tent 
Lex: you did? where?
Bob: -points at his boner- right here -laughs-
Lex: -sighs- I'm the idiot for camping with your stupid ass.

a Doat

Bob: i want a doat!
Lex: a what? o.o
Bob: a doat!
Lex: a what? p.p
Bob: i said i want a doat!
Lex: i heard what you said, what the hell is a doat?
Bob: its a cat dog >.>
Lex: -.-'  your a brat
Bob: oooh i know what that is... its a bird rat! like a bat!
Lex: shut up!

Dusting the Table

-Bob rushes in lexs place running to the table at the living room and stands there looking at it- O.O

Bob as he catches his breath: lex, where is the dust that was on the table?

Lex: i just cleaned the table why the hell are you asking about the dust? -.-

Bob: i got a phone call yesterday and i had to write down a very important number i wrote it on the table with my finger.

Lex: -sigh- your truly an idiot....

Making Gold

Lex told me if i can pass enough electricity in shit i could make it turn into gold.
so i pulled 2 wires and stuck them into my shit and turned on the switch only to find out that if you do that shit will fly all over the place and i got covered with it.

oh well... at least i made shit fly.

Bob.

Bank Robbery

-the cops rush in the bank and find Bob sitting there alone-
officer: did you rob the bank?
Bob: yes me and Lex we did it together
Officer: and where is Lex?
Bob: he ran away with the money
Officer: why didn't you run away with him?
Bob: he told me hell take all the money and i can keep the whole bank for myself

3am phone call

It was a dark cold night,,, ok it was hot really. Lex was sleeping in his apartment and all of a sudden his phone rings and wakes him up...

*Ring Ring*

 -Lex wakes up rubbing his eyes-

Lex: who is calling at this time... its fucken 3am in the morning.. -picks up the phone- hello

Bob: hey lex its me bob.

Lex: oh afcorse who else would it be, why are you calling at this late time -.-

Bob: i need help

Lex: help?

Bob: yah, my dick is being a dick and giving me a hard time.

Lex: oh boy, -lex says jokingly- well tell your dick to be a man. 

Bob -screaming from the top of his lungs-: BE A MAN YOU DICKHEAD!

Lex:oh boy. -hangs up the phone- what an idiot -.-

Dont Hit The Kangaroo

 -driving at a blistering speed Bob glances a kangaroo from a distance- 

Bob: Lex, there's a kangaroo crossing the road.

Lex: i see it Bob.

-the car gets closer to the kangaroo without slowing down-

Bob: Lex, theres a kangarooo! 

Lex: O.O I KNOW! I SEE IT!

-they hit it and the car is smashed and they get out of the car looking at each other-

Lex: why the hell didnt you slow down when you saw the kangaroo? YOU DUMB ASS!

Bob: oh?? i thought you were driving! o.o

Heart Surgery

Girl: im having heart surgery tomorrow

Boy: i know

Girl: i love you <3 :(

Boy: i love you too <3 :(

---------- next day after the surgery -----------

-girl wakes up with only her father next to her-

Girl: where is he?

Father: you dont know who gave you the heart? :(

-girl starts to cry-

Father: im just kidding he went to the toilet :p lol

Humpy Dumpy

Humpy Dumpy sat on a wall,

Humpy Dumpy humped the great wall
Humpy Dumpy had a great fall.

Humpy Dumpy is a clumsy dumb ball.

Who in the world would care for a freaky ball?
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Didn’t care to put Humpy together again.